Mainstream Media Circus

This is a segment of the John Gunter Show (which doesn't exist and everything here on out is fictional, well maybe)

Studio 8, Los Angeles CA...

"We're back folks from another very educational and informative commercial break, where ultra rich corporations beg use for our money in our own homes. Here's the thing, if there was a homeless beggar outside their offices, they'd have them kicked out and they're the ones who really need the money. Anyway, tonight I want to shine a light on the mainstream media and their ridiculous circus that they perform. You all know you go to Fox News for complaints about our current president, MSNBC for compliments about him, and CNN to find out what designer clothes he and Michelle choose to wear."

"I personally think that this is bogus, absolutely positively *beep*ing bogus. It's insane and it is making us all insane. Both MSNBC and Fox News are running hate campaigns 100% percent of the time as if we didn't get enough of it during the election year. Why...why...why do we allow this to go on? It just gives me a *beep*ing headache so I am using tonight to point this out. Look at the so called Obamacare, none of the news networks can give you a shred of evidence as to the fact if it really works or doesn't because each one discredits the other. There is so much division in our politics, it reminds me of the second *beep*ing grade. Am I right? It is all because of the mainstream media, and Fox News likes to say it is not a part of it when they are all over the radios and most of the conservatives tune into it. They make it seem like they are staging some kind of intellectual revolution because their country is being stolen from them by our societies right to vote."

"MSNBC acts as if they are the anointed ones, the only true news network. They are all a bunch of idiots if you ask me. I suggest we all turn off our televisions and do something productive like I don't know, spend time with our families or go out and exercise or how we can change this world and make it a better place. *Beep*! How stupid can we be people? How much longer are we going to allow for stupidity to run our lives? They say you can't fix stupid, if that is the case what the Hell are we living for people? I want you all to write your congressmen and women and just write down, "You're *beep*ing stupid." Can we do that? I'd like to see what those *beep*holes would do during their day after they get that fortune cookie message. Let's go to another waste of time, aka commercial break...."

Ben Affleck as Batman?! (Apparently This is More Important Than "The Joker" Using Chemical Weapons in Syria....)

A segment from John Gunter Late Night Show (doesn't exist, nor does anything on this all for fun and games...enjoy).

Channel 8 (Studio 8), Los Angeles, CA...

"Well we are back from commercial to bring you the latest out of Hollywood. So much is going on in the world, between the ongoing unrest in the Middle East, which includes chemical weapons being used against revolting citizens and Egypt not knowing what each day will bring, maybe their military will lead massacres and pillaging, or they'll take a step towards the forming of a new democracy. You want to know what people care about today? It's *beep*ing Ben Affleck as Batman. First gays got the right to get married now Ben Affleck as Batman? I bet Stan Lee is thanking his lucky stars that he's not around to *beep*ing mess up another one of his creations. Let's see what he did when he found out..."

Stan Lee's Mansion...

He is drinking his morning coffee as he reads the headline about Ben Affleck and he begins to laugh his ass off with some lines that came to mind:

"Ha, didn't they see him in Daredevil? He made Daredevil look like the male version of Helen Keller and that is an insult to Helen Keller to be sure. DC, you morons."

Back at Studio 8, Los Angeles, CA...

"People on twitter and all over the net are going nuts about this decision by Zack Snyder, which is reminiscent of his decision to brandish a big blue *beep* as the starring role in the graphic novel rendition of the Watchmen. They don't have anything good to say believe me, from Facebook to Twitter, there is just insults and jeers. I don't remember anyone being this upset since John F. Kennedy died. One guy on Twitter wrote this; 'Can you believe they picked Ben Affleck as the new Batman? I think I'll go kill myself.' I say, why not just go home and watch Gigli and figure out why he got the part. I'm guessing the self proclamation on suicide is a joke. Anyway, I still think his best role was the damn duck for that Aflec insurance, oh wait that was Gilbert Godfrey, yet another person who would be better suited as Batman. Why not Joaquin Pheonix? He has already played one man in black quite well. I wonder what Ben Affleck was doing when he got the news, let's find out..."

Damon Manor...

In a Sherlock Holmes like outfit with Matt Damon dressed as Mr. Watson and on his knees for one very apparent reason (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still jealous apparently for not both landing the Sherlock Holmes movie). The cellphone rang in Affleck's pocket and he puts it to his ears, after which he gets exuberantly excited about the news. "I'm the new Batman! You know what this means, you can be Robin, Mr. Watson. Oh don't stop...Boy Wonder."

Back at Studio 8, Los Angeles, CA...

"Well that is all the news people care about today, until then I'll leave you with Christian Bale's reaction during a Barbara Walters interview..."

In Barbara Walter's Fancy Interviewing Room...

Barbara Walters, sitting across from Christian Bale finally drops the question:

"So Christian, what did you think when you heard about Ben Affleck being the new Batman?"

Christian gives a look of disbelief and answered:

"Are you bleeding kidding me? Affleck as the new Batman? I must've done so bad of a job that they think that pawncing clown can pick up where I left off. He's just going to *beep* it up! Wow, this is shocking..."

Until next time readers, sayonara.